In My Own Words - Chapter 12

As a parent, when your child shares with you that they are living an alternate lifestyle, you will struggle with issues of disappointment, shame and wonder of what went wrong. These are emotions that you must conquered from within your own heart, because at the end of the day your love for your child far outweighs your issues. Therefore, seek peace within yourself so that a stronger relationship with your child can emerge from this. Since having to deal with my daughter's decision to choose this lifestyle, I have founded some understanding of what my child has had to struggle with and see some of the challenges that she lives with today and will continue to do so. It was through Deb's group where I had an opportunity to meet other parent's children and listen to their story. I remember going into the meeting with a scary thinking of what and why am I doing this? I did not realize how deeply this resentment was in my heart. The emotions that I was feeling were very strong; anger, embarrassment and confusion. But something beautiful changed within me, after meeting these kids and listening to their honest stories of rejection, family and childhood issues, I finally realized just how much pain these children were in. Their struggle and their pain is no different from that of a single parent. Their issues and heartaches are just as real.   I pen these words because I am now learning not to judge my daughter, but rather to love her. I am learning about the love of God and just how much He loves us.  He has reminded me of where He found me and the transformation He has done in my life. As a parent, it was a very difficult 2 year journey for me to watch my daughter living with her decision. But with God “all things are possible” and because of this scripture and God’s promise I have found love, hope and my beautiful daughter whom I love! My desire in sharing this story with you, is that you too will find comfort, understanding and hope that comes from God.    This story is shared by a dear friend, Deb Mena who has taught me to see and understand much about her past struggles and how much pain she carried. Deb now enjoys reaching out to others who struggle with these challenges and is a reminder to us all, that God loves His children and God heals the brokenhearted. A giant Thank You to you Deb, for sharing your story. "In My Own Words"

At the age of five years old, I was molested by a family member. This began my downward spiral to which later would lead me to same-sex attraction.

As I entered elementary and intermediate school, I had this unusual concerning feeling in my heart that something was not right even at a young age.

Around first or second grade, I remember standing in the lunch line and a little girl grabbed my hand to guide me to the café. As we walked I experienced an aura in my heart. A sensation of feeling kind of happy, but didn't know exactly what was going on.

Moving forward to high school I began to feel somewhat of an outcast and not really understanding what was going on in my heart and the visual connection I was making with girls my age.

I became involved with a female the same age as myself and had my first encounter around 16 or 17 years of age.

I kept these things hidden in my heart as to not bring attention to myself. Until the one day I came home and told my mom that I believed I had same-sex tendencies. I actually said, “Mom I'm a lesbian.”

To sum it up, it was not a very good experience for my family as it came out about my desires to live a certain way.

I remember my mom grabbing me towards her and telling me she would always love me and that I was her daughter, but not to ever bring this into our home.

I entered college and began to live out my desires through different relationships and began to explore the night life of Hollywood and Long Beach.

I finally moved out towards Glendale and began to throw myself into that lifestyle and cutting off most of my family. I began to frequent the nightclub scene at least four or five nights a week and on the weekends.

I was brought up in a Catholic environment and I love God with all my heart, but because of my sin and my lifestyle, I chose to stay away.

Before I knew it, 14 or 15 years had passed and I was fully engulfed in the homosexual lifestyle. I began to have an uneasy feeling as I kept searching for love.

I felt this was not going well for me because I was not successful in these relationship. In reality, these relationships were causing me more pain.

Also I was unable to connect with people, and I was becoming an introvert.

My world began to crumble in the middle of a long-term relationship, when I found out that my partner was not being faithful. I was devastated and I began to contemplate my future and wanted to end my life.

I began to see that I was living a lie, and that this lifestyle was not good for me. I began to believe that, “I'm just a loser, hurtful, rejected and abandoned individual that had no hope in life and that I was just looking to be loved!”

One night, I sat in my living room and was in a drunken state and had about 20 Darvon pills on my table. I was about to down them with the alcohol that I was drinking when all of  sudden on the TV a Christian pastor came on!

I know in my heart that at this time, I was ready to take my life.

Instead, I cried out to God with all that was in me to take me! I told God that I didn't want to be alone in this world anymore with all these ungodly desires and disengaged hope of trying to make it in this world. I was giving up!

Slowly the tears were coming. The preacher on TV said “you're sitting there and you're drunk and God wants to change your life. Why don’t you give Him a chance?”

I began to laugh and mock God. I said to myself

     “How could You change somebody like me?

     A filthy broken down sinner with no faith and no hope?

     “I’m just a dirty sinner.”         

When all of sudden, God met me right where I was! I felt this sensation come over me of warmth and I fell to my knees! With a small breath and tears that were streaming down my face, I recited the sinner’s prayer.

Today my life is no longer the same. I no longer walk in the ways of my former days as 1 Corinthians 6:9 says:

such were some of you, but you've been washed, you’re         been justified, you've been sanctified by the blood of the

Lord Jesus Christ and the power of His Holy Spirit.

I'm truly thankful for my salvation and that now I can walk in freedom and that I am forgiven for my former way of life!

Thank you Lord Jesus for saving my soul and for picking me up out of the mire and placing me on the Rock.

Both Deb and I are available for any questions you may have. Feel free to leave us a comment and we will contact you.

All 4 the glory of God,

jleon