Dear Abigail By Michelle Mora

Dear Abigail

I miss you. I wish I had you in my arms. I wish I could be watching you grow. I wish I would have never have had to say goodbye. I wish losing you would have never happened. I wish I could explain the pain that seems to come out of nowhere to haunt me. I wish this could just be a nightmare that I could wake up from.

O how I wish I would have cherished the moments more that I had with you while you were growing inside me. How you would dance inside my womb when I sang or heard music.

There are moments when I want to pretend like I never lost you and then there are those times when I want everyone I meet to hear your story. There are moments when people ask if I’m a mommy and wonder after I say that I am of a little boy (your brother) and I hesitate and wonder if I should mention you too. I wonder if they could handle the fact that you’re no longer here and then I get to watch that smile on their face turned into a frown. Or should I pretend you never existed and let their day continue while my soul screeches with the thought that you’re gone.

I sit, wonder and think you’d probably be walking by now. You’d probably be saying your first words. You’d probably be driving your brother crazy. You’d probably have everyone fall in love with your smile. I could just imagine what it’d be like to be your mommy. To be a mommy of a little girl. To see you have your Daddy wrapped around your little finger. Your Daddy is such a great dad I could only imagine how wonderful he’d be with his little princess. I like to watch other mommies and daddies with their little girls and smile and wonder what it’d be like.

There are days when I’m perfectly fine that you’re not here but I also have those other days when I want to crawl into a hole. The days passing doesn’t change a thing because my heart still aches at the thought of losing you.

I am who I am today, a woman with faith in God with a deeper appreciation for life all because of the emotional roller coaster and heartache that I have gone through. I am reminded of what I shared with you, the love, the bond and the unity you and I had. The feeling that no one else could experience but us. A love that will forever keep me going. A love that will remind me of the purpose you had and the purpose you gave me.

I learned from you how precious life is and to take each day at a time choosing to love above all else. To look at the sky, the birds, the flowers and the butterflies and appreciate life’s beauty. For you I am thankful and for you I will continue on even when I just want to give up.

Your life was short but your story lives so that many lives may be touched, for that was why you were created. Your body may be gone but your presence lingers and because of you I must continue to tell your story.

Thank you my baby girl because of you I realized that life isn’t easy and that the only way to get through life is to keep my faith and never stop believing. None of this was God’s fault instead God showed me through you to never give up, to trust him and that He would be the one to get me through all of the grieving.

For now all I can do is imagine you with me. To hope until I have you with me. I love you my little girl. Continue to shine down from heaven because someday soon I’ll be there to hold you forever.

“Your life was short but you brought us a love that was strong.

You changed our lives and made our faith grow.

You’ll live forever in our hearts.

We will live for you and show the world that Heaven is real.

God’s will was done and until that day when we meet again

At the gates of God’s heavenly place, always know that

We love you our sweet pretty girl… Abigail Faith.”

Love,

Mommy