My Sleeping Princess
By Michelle Mora
Awakened by my alarm it was a Friday
morning and I was extremely exhausted from working a long night shift. I work
in a restaurant as a Server so you could imagine just how tired I was. My 4
year old had a field trip to go "Whale Watching" but he had a terrible cough all
night. I called his school to let them
know that we were not attending. I am glad we didn’t go because unknowingly we
had a long day ahead of us.
I had been worried for the past day
and a half because my daughter wasn’t moving around. She wasn’t doing her
normal jumping jacks, cartwheels, dance moves or karate chops like she normally
did in my womb. Unlike my son she was definitely an active one. I knew she was
going to be a handful and definitely going to be a fun and annoying little
sister for him. He was so excited to finally be a big brother. I was 32 1/2
weeks along in my pregnancy and the day of her arrival was coming up very soon.
My first baby shower would be in one more week!
I knew the baby would begin to grow
rapidly, because babies do when you are getting closer to your due date. The
room in the womb would become much smaller for her. I was worried that I didn’t
feel her moving around and I continued to express my concern to my husband and
loved ones. Many told me not to worry because “she doesn’t have much room in
there” or they would tell me “don’t stress I’m sure she’s fine.” Yet, my
husband and I began to worry and I placed his hand on my stomach to show him
that there was no movement. I knew something was wrong. We decided to contact
my doctor even though we were just there that Monday and the baby was doing
great. We both agreed that we needed to make sure that all was well.
I left a message for the doctor and
the nurse called us back and told us to contact the hospital to see if they could
monitor the baby. We did and soon we were on our way. We got to the hospital
and went to the Labor & Delivery floor to check in. A friendly nurse walked
in and asked about our concern and how long had I noticed a change in the baby’s
movement. She told us not to worry that she would check the heartbeat and see
how the baby was doing. The nurse placed the monitor on my stomach and begins
searching for the baby’s heartbeat. The searching for a heartbeat was taking
longer than normal and she explains that sometimes it’s difficult to find the
heartbeat if the baby is in a different position. The nurse leaves to get an
ultrasound monitor and I begin to cry not knowing what to think. She returns
with another nurse and a doctor. They turn on the ultrasound monitor to show us
our baby. We see our beautiful princess…. but her heart isn’t fluttering like
all the times before. Just a few days ago everything was perfect, I had seen
her and her heart had been fluttering on Monday. The doctor and nurses looked
at us and said they were so sorry. The nurse hugged me and I began to cry.
The feeling that I felt was unlike
no other. The only words I have to describe the moment, is that it was as if I
was stabbed and my heart had been ripped out of my body. My stomach flipped
upside down and I couldn’t breathe. My husband and I were overwhelmed.
The staff said they’d give us some
time and would come back to discuss what was next. They left the room and my
husband and I just hugged and cried. As I laid there I looked up at the bright lights
on the ceiling and I cried out to God. “I need you so much right now more than
ever. Please help me. I trust in you. Please be here with me.”
I knew the hardest part was yet to
come. We called my parents and loved ones.
The doctor returns and we discussed the
next procedure and then we were moved into the labor room by a new nurse. I
will always remember that nurse. She was so gentle and loving. She hugged me
the moment she met me and then took us to our room. I remember the nurse
closing the door behind her and she sat on the bed with me. She said that she
knew how I felt because this had happened to her. She reassures us that God
will give us the strength we need and we agreed with her. She smiled and asked
if she could pray for us. She did and I
knew God put her there to show us that He was with us. We were given hope that
very moment. No matter how much pain was in my heart I knew God would hold me.
That He would never leave me nor forsake me and that when I held on to Him that
He would be there.
My family began to show up and loved
ones began to call. My beloved friend called and cried with me and prayed for
me. It hurt to see my family broken. Everyone was in shock. So many loved ones
began to come to the hospital and all I could do was hold on to Jesus. I was so
afraid and I was so overwhelmed. All I wanted was my baby to kick me and to
show everyone that this was all a terrible mistake. The doctors seemed to feel
the same way as I did because multiple doctors came to do
multiple ultrasounds hoping that there was a mistake. But it wasn’t a mistake and all
I could think about was that this couldn’t be happening, No, not my baby.
The next step was inducing my labor
so I could give birth to my baby. Unlike anything that I would have expected,
this was all so strange knowing that I would be meeting my baby as she slept…
never to awaken.
It was Saturday, March 29th
(3/29/2014) @ 3:14pm. Abigail Faith was born 3 lbs 14 oz. She looked like her
daddy, beautiful and sleeping. I finally got to meet our princess and hold her
tightly. Her daddy danced and sang to her. Family and friends met her and
expressed how beautiful she was. So many expectations for this little girl and
so many plans. We were going to give her the world but she was given heaven
instead.
No matter the pain….no matter the heartache…God was there
because I trusted him. He has been there through it all even though I had no
idea what he was doing and why it had to happen to us. I now could rejoice
knowing she was in God’s arms and that Jesus loves the little children.
There is no
doubt that our little ones are in HEAVEN.
Let me encourage you to trust God’s plans. Your Heavenly
Father is standing at the door of your heart. If you reach out to Him in faith,
He will give you peace and heal your broken heart. Today when you hear His voice
do not harden your hearts. Let Him in and allow Him to provide this peace,
love, strength and comfort you so desperately need.
No one or nothing can give you what
you need like Jesus. There is no other way I could have survived this journey without
Him, so I pray that you would cling to Jesus like I have. I so desperately want
to help you to find what I have and I will continue to point you to your loving
Father who desires to hold you through this journey.
So God has given both His promise
and His oath. These two things are unchangeable because it is
impossible for God to lie. Therefore we who have fled to Him for refuge can have
great confidence as we hold to the hope that lies before us. This hope is a
strong and trustworthy anchor for our souls. Hebrews 6:18-19
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