I FOUND ME

Would like to try to describe this experience which I had today. In order to give this merit, I must go back to the beginning of the COVID19 shut down in mid March.
Since then I have enjoyed staying home, reflecting and doing lots of reading. Two (2) books in particular which are written by Townsend & Cloud had been giving me the chance to reflect on boundaries and behavior patterns.

Fast forward to now. In my spirit I have been struggling with emotions. The ups and downs of being shut in and reflecting upon my health. It seems that I had been slowing down due to the lack of active work and exercise. My muscles and joints were stiffening up and I my bowels were out of wack. I was experiencing stomach bloating and digestive issues. I finally went back to acupuncture to see if that could relieve some of these issues.

That is where this journey began. Questions were asked and I tried to honestly answer them. She made some suggestions about me needing to "let go" of issues which may be causing digestion & stomach problems. I thought it strange that she made the comparison to "my holding on to things" to my constipation problem, as there too, I may be holding on.

The very next day I was feeling sore and moving slowly, which I attribute to the acupuncture session the day before. Great day of slowing down and my digestive issue was quickly clearing up.

On the 2nd day after the session, I was in a reflective mood and I began to feel sad as I reflected on the things that I had loss over time - my friend, work, home and kids. It made me cry and I continued to "let go" of things that I needed to move away from. My younger self was holding on to the past. She didn't want to let go of holding on to the family. She was the caregiver to the family for all these years and didn't know how to let go. She grieved much and hurt much as she wanted to take care of her family. In reality she was afraid to let them go and be left alone. She had not wanted to be free because she did not know what she could do on her own.

I let go of the young girl today. I let her go so that this "new me" could come alive. I have been in the process of being free as I have tried many new things - such as, writing, painting, new work and new friends.
But I had not "let go" of the one thing that was important for me to grow up and away from, - "the young girl".

"I found me" today. I am going to enjoy the new things that I am finding along this journey. Gracefully aging, continue to love to laugh and grow without being afraid.

This "me" is letting go of the old ways as I want to be free to explore new things with "me" and not look to care for the family - for you see, the family has grown up too and they are now responsible for their care. The young girl did her best and its time that she lives her life.

I found me!