Grace Found Me

Christmas 1986

I was alone, confused, without any hope of what I was going to do about a mistake that I thought I wanted but it was not a good choice.

I have always wanted to experience what it would be like to be on my own. No responsibility for anyone other than myself. But the kicker is that I had a young child that I would need to care for.

This deception in my mind and the lust of my flesh had me convinced that this would be good 4 me. 

The reality is that it was the worse Christmas holiday of all time, for me. I was living on my own and it was a lonely dark time at this small apt that I had.  I had walked away from owning a home to renting. Go figure! That's just how lost and confused I was. I did not have a reason to walk away only that it was a lie that I had believed in my head. 

How scary it is to finally realize how deceptive my heart and mind can really be. I had, what now I consider a "good life". One thing is certain and that is that we will always have trouble in this world - there is no perfect relationship.

I can recall this sad and harsh memory of going to visit my Mom during the Christmas holiday and it was a very a cold, dark and lonely time. Is this why Christmas is still a difficult time 4 me?

I want to change this horrible memory of that year, to a living memory filled with laughter, family, and Christ this year! I want to decorate my home, bake, and have friends and loved ones surrounding me. I want to overcome this dark and lonely memory of a time past, where I did not know what to do and Christ came and saved me.

It was January 4, 1987, a Sunday afternoon in Lakewood, California. In a small Pentecostal church where "GRACE" came into my life and Christ embraced me. He whispered words of love and forgiveness into my heart. The light of His love opened my eyes that I could see His glorious face. His eyes that were soft, just looked at me with so much tenderness. I began to cry, for I have never experienced such a true moment of "Love and Grace". 

Everything about me became new and alive. My eyes could see, my heart felt a love that I can not describe in words. My mind and body came alive! 

What an extraordinary experience! The cold darkness was replaced with a warm light within me. My confusion became a focus to change within my heart. The heavy burden of loneliness and guilt that I had been carrying, was gone. I became alive to something new and there was a wonderful light in my life. 

What happened? I can not pen into words, how in that moment, in a twilight of an eye my life had been transformed. 

I can not explain to you why this happened to me. I was not looking for Him, but He found me. There I was at Christmas time at my Mother's home. A broken, lost, lonely and confused girl. My life then, was just existing day to day. I was dead inside - no laughter, no song, no desire and no hope - just dead.

He came and rescued me out of this darkness and gave me a chance to change my life. I knew that something amazing happened, but I could not explain it. I just knew that I was a new "me". 

Same person and name, but with a new heart. I could understand Him clearly and I was hungry for what He was telling me. I needed to find out more about Him and I wanted more of His love. I had never experienced such "adoring love" like His. So pure and without conditions. His words in the Bible became alive and I was hungry for more of Him. Who is He? Where did He come from? Why did You save me?

If anyone out there is in that dark, lonely, and cold place. Please believe me when I tell you that He is there, ready to step in to pour His love and grace on you too.

Just whisper to Him with your small voice, that you want Him to come and rescue you. He does not disappoint and He never runs away. He will come. You can trust Him. 

Blessings throughout this Christmas holidays to you!  jobleon