Journal Entry 8/7/2023

It had to come down to my mental health & body fatigue for God to get my attention, and let me know that I needed to slow down. On this 10 month journey I had a wonderful awakening! I experienced downtime, fear, meditative of death & getting my house in order. Without knowing what to do, I stepped down from work and ministry, then I stepped away from people.  All this was my way of clearing my mind, body & soul. 

My gracious Father had a plan for me. He needed to get my attention first, because I wouldn’t deal with the pain and loss in my heart. Like with all trials and challenges, we are without understanding, we only have faith. I wasn’t looking for Him, but I knew that I needed Him more than ever before! 

That is why and how this journey began. God, gave me the path I needed to be on, that would give me time to “reset” my mind, my body and my soul.

What I have learned from this new experience has given me a fresh fire to continue, slowly getting back to life. I have gained wisdom from above and now have SPECIFIC details of what matters most to me.

1. Spiritual priority is first and foremost 

2. Return & sit @ church. Slowly getting back for now.

3. Healthy eating. I praise God for opening my eyes to this truth!

4. Rise up early and make most of time

5. Finish started projects (paint, closets, etc)

6. Need a monthly Saturday getaway (to reset mind)

7. Exercise the body and feed the spirit 

8. Continue to unclutter my home & mind

The purpose of this journey, I believe stemmed from the result of me not dealing with the death of my brother, the loss and the pain that follows. I did not deal with it in the manner God intended. I refused to cry or allow myself to grieve. This is not how God wants us to handle these things. 

Yes, our loss is great and the pain is unbearable, but we must allow ourselves to tenderly deal with grief AND allow God to heal us by the power of His Holy Spirit. It has been a difficult process and the mental stress affects us physically. I give God all the honor and glory for keeping me close and having His watchful eye upon me. It was His grace & His Word that brought me through.

I am grateful to have experienced God’s healing upon my heart and I understand more now of His comfort and His peace, and how sweet and important it is! 

It is God that makes us whole! God graciously opened my eyes today and revealed how “His will” in my life, is truly good for me.

Of course, we do not see clearly nor understand until after His plan is complete. I did not get clarity about my situation until today.  As I was swimming, I felt as if I was floating away all the fear, loss and pain, as I began to surrender it all to Him! Jesus took this heavy burden and gave me rest for my soul.

The psalmist writes, “how wonderfully and uniquely you have made us (psalm 139). Yes! I’m shouting a loud amen here! For His amazing workmanship. He fitted every part of me together and knows me from the inside and out.

I am feeling better as Jesus continues to make me whole, amen. 

I need to say “Thank you Jesus” for walking with me on this beautiful journey. I have not experienced this type of healing before, and I understand now how the body and mind can react to life. 

“Thank you Father" for this “Job” experience! May the fruits from this journey bring encouragement & faith to others, as well as Honor & Glory to Your Holy Name, amen.

Dear Reader, if you are going through a tough journey, be encouraged to look up to God, that is where your help and strength will come from. Call on Him and He will draw close to you and carry you, because He loves you so much! 

 

Psalm 5:3 

"My voice You shall hear in the morning, O Lord; In the morning I will direct it up to You and I will look up."